Tom, Tom, Tom - A Cautionary Tale

The weird British roommate stories continue, soon you’re gonna think I’m making them up. This man is simply a story in contradiction. Early after arriving here, he criticized cameras as girly and smart phones as risky (along with complaining every time me or our safety officer Seelan used wifi on our phones), then he ended up buying an iPhone and taking pictures of everything. Be reminded, he bough this iPhone for RM 3000 (about $1000 US) after complaining that he didn’t have enough money to buy more shirts for work. Since we’ve been here he’s boycotted (either short-term or permanently) foods such as bread, rice, noodles, and chicken because he claimed they don’t agree with his stomach. But he will eat weird foods, including octopus, stingray, fermented beans, durian (these are just some of the ones I’ve physically seen), with no hesitation at all. But none of that tops his contradictions when it comes to alcohol. First of all, the first time we ever went out drinking here in Malaysia, he was talking big junk about drinking ability “Oh, Americans can’t drink, the British have to show you how it’s done,” etc. Then the first two times we went for beer, he tried to outdrink me and failed miserably and then felt terrible the next day while I felt fine; and I don’t even really drink beer back home. So he decided afterwards that he would go with us to the bar but he wouldn’t drink, he would watch us drink while sipping ice water. This happened several times. Then once we went out to a club with some Chinese ladies we work with and had bottles of Hennessy (see blog entry “The Bite”). When we first got there and the bartender put Coke in my Hennessy, he sounded off “I thought men were supposed to drink it on the rocks” despite me not requesting Coke. So the rest of the night I drank it straight. By the end of the night, he was drinking ice water again. But his latest fiasco…SMH. We were without power at our apartment for a day and a half because someone at our headquarters was slack paying our bill. Rather than sit in a hot house, I ended up going to some friends’ place and chilling with them. He chose to go to a bar, by himself. Going out drinking already seems like a move of desperation or alcoholism, but whatever I don’t think much of it. When I get back, I go straight to sleep and I don’t see him in the mornings because we now work on different projects. That afternoon, he can hardly eat because his stomach has been weakened. I inquire why. I find out that he apparently drank an entire bottle of wine in the span of about an hour and followed that up with tequila shots…by himself on a weekday. He doesn’t remember how he got home or much of the night, all he remembers is waking up in his bed in a puddle of his own vomit. Absolutely terrible. Most people I know, myself included, are social drinkers; they go out drinking with other people to have some fun, you know about where your limits are but sometimes people go a little overboard if you’re having a lot of fun. Or if you do go by yourself and drink a lot, it’s probably because he was entertaining some chick he met and was trying to enable a good time with her or something of that nature. The concept of drinking is usually to have fun in the company of others. For this reason, most people don’t really go out to a bar to drink by themselves. I mean I understand if someone goes out alone and has a beer or two while he watched a game on their TV. But to down a whole bottle of wine in a short span and follow it up with tequila shots, which result in you swimming in a pool of your own regurgitation, is not cool by any means. It seems even more odd when this is the same guys who has sat at a table full of coworkers and cute bar girls while we were playing a drinking game with dice and chose to drink ice water instead of participate. He didn’t even have to drive that night. I simply don’t understand. I’m not sure I ever will. Wish me luck, I will be traveling with him to Singapore for Christmas. I’m not sure what to expect. Selamat malam…

Two Odd Club Nights

A couple weekends ago, I went out both Friday and Saturday night with two entirely different crowds of people. And each night ended up having quite a story, to which I've given both names to accompany the stories:

Night One: The Bite
My Brit roommate and I were invited to a club right in the middle of downtown KL by some of the young Chinese ladies who work in the HQ of the company I work for. It ended up being 3-4 guys and about 8-9 women, good odds in my book. The way ppl avoid paying cover charges for clubs here is to buy a certain amount of alcohol to get a certain number of people in; so we committed to buying two bottles of Hennessy. So I'm there having a good time, mingling with cute little Chinese women. Two dance in the cages above the bar, good for scenery. LOL. Everybody is enjoying themselves. Then one chick hits that point where she is just way too drunk. As the biggest person there, I have to be the one to carry her to the car. I was hoping to kind of walk her to the car, but she stumbles and falls in the three step walk to where I'm standing. So I reach down, grab her by the underarms and start picking her up. As I'm picking her up and her head is passing my chest area, she bites me on the collarbone. I mean, locks on like a pitbull on the ankle of someone robbing their owner's house. She was locked on for a good 10-12 seconds or so. Long enough for me (be reminded, I'm dark skinned) to have teeth marks on my collar bone for about 3-4 days after. I had to throw her over my shoulder and then toss her into the guy's car. I certainly hope she didn't throw up all over his back seat...

Night 2: Rent-A-Cops on Patrol
The following night, still with bite marks on my collarbone, I head out to a spot called HQ with some Kenyan and Tanzanian ladies I know. The promotion they have for Ladies Night is that all women get in free and get long island iced teas from the bar free all night. Meanwhile, I have to pay a cover charge and buy my drinks. So after a drink or two, I decide I don't wanna spend anymore money. So the ladies decide that they'll help me out and just hand me some of the free drinks they keep getting. I'm down, at this point I'm dancing a little bit but mostly chilling and socializing with the ladies. Two of them have slight crushes on me at the same time, but how that manifests itself is a story for another day. At one point as I'm finishing one of the ladies' drinks and the security guard walks up to me and pulls that "Ay man, the free drinks are just for the women." In my mind, "Go sit down rent-a-cop." But of course, I stay polite "She said she wasn't going to finish her drink and asked me too, that's all." So he leaves but assigns one of his lackies to stand near us and watch if I take anymore drinks. I'm guessing the guy was supposed to do it secretly, but I was onto the schmuck the instead he stopped halfway up the stairs and kept peeking at me. So i don't drink anything for a while. I know the guy is watching to see if I will drink, plus the fact that I see him peeking at me sometimes is creeping me out anyway. I guess the chicks didn't spot him, because one of them pours her drink into a cup between me and one of the women. Even without me touching it, the schmuck from the stairs runs down grabs the cup and signals for me to get out of the club. First of all, he isn't wearing anything identifying himself as an employee in the first place. Secondly, I came to your club, paid a cover charge, paid for a few drinks, and brought five women with me. Don't get me wrong, I realize I was technically breaking the spirit of the rules u've laid out but You should pray for more guys like me to come there. I'm helping the guy-to-girl ratio which attracts other guys (who have to spend money) to come to your club. Beyond all that, u give a girl a free drink and then snatch it off the table in front of her. Not a good look as we say. So the chick goes and rips someone a new one and gets her drink back. By this time, my mood is somewhat ruined. The rent-a-cop and his lackey put a damper on an otherwise good night.